224: How to Be Assertive

To be assertive, we’ve got to overcome our fear of not being liked and realize it’s about protecting our peace. Being assertive can feel icky for some of us. We’d like to think that it’s because we’re so used to being nice, but the truth is that being assertive doesn’t mean we have to be mean; it’s just a simple way of finding the voice to ask for what you want. Becoming an assertive person takes a little practice. But once you master the art, you become more self-confident, resulting in a more fulfilling life. These three tips will help you become more assertive in life.

Start Small – 03:11 

In all things in life, I believe in starting small, and the same is true when learning to be assertive. If you’re struggling to find your assertive voice, begin with small things. Small situations present the perfect opportunity to practice your assertive skills. If you go to a restaurant and don’t like the service, speak up – say something. Again, don’t be mean but just express how you feel.  

Believe in Yourself – 05:18 

If you lack a healthy and balanced sense of self-worth, there’s a high chance you’ll keep accepting less from others. You see, low self-worth can prevent you from expressing what you really want. But here’s the thing, when you begin to value your self-worth, communicating your needs becomes so much easier. The first step to all of this is believing in yourself. Believe in your decisions and believe that every time you say no, you’re making the right decision. I know that worrying about the opinions of others can make all this uncomfortable, but being assertive is a clear sign of self-respect.

Rehearse Ahead of Time – 07:21

If you want to be a lot more assertive, practice in front of a mirror. Think of all the situations you know you should have said no and go through the whole situation in front of a mirror. I know it’s challenging to say what you want or think, but practicing general scenarios makes it bearable. Once you feel a little more confident in yourself, try role-playing with your partner, a friend, or someone you feel comfortable engaging with. 

That said, I believe assertiveness can be built by saying no a lot more. If something doesn’t feel right for you, just say no. Remember, no is a complete sentence, and you don’t have to explain yourself. But if you really feel the need to explain yourself, always keep it short and to the point.